I woke this morning, the first morning of 2015, different. It was as if all the revelations I'd had in the past few weeks all gelled overnight, and I awoke new, fresh, and ready to take on the world. As I lay there, enjoying this new me, my mind whirred, and this blog was all it could focus on. The same thought kept coming, "We make life so hard, but it can transform in an instant." And I know this, in my core I believe this, yet I haven't trusted this. Note the tense change. I'm declaring that I now trust this to be true. 2015 is the year I let this be my mantra.
As I write this I stare over my laptop at the sign I made and hung on the wall of my bedroom. It says, "I am Extraordinary". It's simple, it was fun to make, but more importantly, it's that phrase that greets me when I open my eyes in the morning, and it's that phrase that I see when I go to bed. This was genius, though I didn't know it when I made it. When I made it I also put reminders in my phone to go off every day. "You are extraordinary!", "You are a player of life, not a spectator!" and the question, "What do you need to clear right now?" I have had these two things in place for about 3 weeks now, maybe a month. They are simple, they are something anyone can do...and they have had a profound effect on my life. When those reminders go off, I am reminded that I AM, I exist, I believe in myself, and I am worth it. They remind me of my BIGNESS, of who I aspire to be, of who I know I could become if I just let myself get beyond my fears. In those moments, I'm present to something bigger, something powerful, pulling me forward into a life of greatness. So far, by my assessment, I've lived a comfortable life of mediocrity. A life of not quite...not quite enough money, not quite enough self expression, not quite enough time, not quite enough happiness, not quite.... Not quite was killing me.
Our society, our relationships, and especially our media all perpetuate negativity. When we focus on positives, we are treated differently, made fun of, teased. But it is through focusing on what we WANT, focusing on our DREAMS, and on LOVE, that we can have a life of bliss. It's the little things. They add up.
My parents recently visited. I love my parents dearly, and they don't visit nearly often enough. But there are things that are difficult to be with about them, as there are about all parents, I'm sure. The way they speak to each other and treat each other is toxic. And in the seven years I've been working on myself, it's become harder and harder to be around. But I knew that. The gift I got from THIS visit was the realization of why I have been unable to break out of my financial rut. I was so present to their financial scarcity story that runs them. Little comments, all the time. When I cashed my first paycheck for a seasonal job I took, and chose to spend a little on my husband when we visited Asheville, the comment, "Just couldn't wait to spend your hard earned money?" was whispered in my ear by my mother. I know it was meant as a joke, but it wasn't funny. Or the conversation I had with the gentleman selling these cool chakra thingies (I don't even know what to call them!) -- my father huffed away, saying to my husband, "She can't afford them, why is she talking to him?" That was just two from one day. No WONDER I haven't been able to move, financially! I have been stumped by how I could have transformed SO MUCH of my life over the past seven and a half years, gotten so free and so happy, yet still be burdened by financial scarcity. It has made me question myself, question my abilities to be a life coach, to stand for others to transform their lives when I couldn't affect this area of my life. I had so much doubt from this, I was so stuck, and it was affecting every aspect of my life and my family's. And, because of this work, I can look at my parents' visit and say, THANK YOU! I love you for who you are and who you aren't. And I have choice...I can continue to live my life with the financial story they have, or I can choose something new. And you better believe, three days ago when this became so crystal clear to me, I put that story down and detached myself from it. I do NOT want to live my life, anymore, from "Money doesn't grow on trees", "You have to work hard and save your money" and countless other money weights tethering me to scarcity. In an instant, they were gone and I felt freer than I ever have financially. Sometimes the best lesson you can learn from your parents is what NOT to do. I will NOT have a toxic relationship that leaves my partner feeling alone and frustrated. I will not live a life where I deprive myself of happiness because of money. Money is a tool, it's made up. We, as a society, say it has value. It's meant to be used. Rich people are not inherently good or bad, they just have more of said tool than poor people. I am going to do the work to detach from every context I have around money and I am inviting the universe to support me in attracting clients who want to work with me, because when I am coaching, I am blissful. What a fabulous way to attract financial freedom and abundance!
As I mentioned, I took a seasonal job. I worked at a fabulous company that sells ham. There are many lessons I got from being a classroom teacher turned life coach to being in the ham retail business. I would like to celebrate them with you:
- Minimum wage jobs are HARD - I have a renewed appreciation for how hard people work, and no wonder the rest of their lives sometimes struggle, they give all their energy to their job, for not a lot of financial reward.
- "No" doesn't have to mean anything. Just as I didn't care if someone turned down my ham sample or the ham I showed them, I am taking that same nonchalance into my life coaching business. This work isn't for everyone, I just want to find those who want it.
- I am a great life coach and I am depriving myself and my future clients of my abilities if I stay in a job that saps me of all my energy, leaving nothing for what I love. I got my worth as a life coach, a priceless gift.
- I am pretty extraordinary...my sign doesn't lie. I operate in life with grace, ease, and intelligence. This job helped me own my gifts and strengths. It helped me feel complete and valuable.
Thank you to both my parents' visit and this job. In the past month I broke through something I haven't been able to transform. I am here, I am ready, and I am looking for people hungry for change. I am not creating new year resolutions, I am creating a whole new me. In an instant, life can transform. I'm ready. I'm willing. I'm HUNGRY for change. I declare myself to be brand new and free from my past. I can do anything and accomplish my dreams.
