The Blahs...

Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

You know those days when you set an ambitious alarm and then you reset it when it goes off? And then you hit snooze five times before resetting it again? I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who does things like that. 

Today's a BLAH day. I used to make myself wrong for those. I should be doing work, I should be productive, etc. If you aren't already aware, "should" is a neon sign that your identity (see Voices blog last week) is revving up to take control. 

There are many reasons for that BLAH feeling. Only one of them is that your identity is taking over. And yes, it's often that. But sometimes it's your body sending you messages too. I know just enough about that to know who to turn to for more information. Louise Hay is one of the most well known in that field, and I go to her book Heal Your Body regularly when I have physical symptoms. She is one of many who believe that physical symptoms are representative of metaphysical causes. Said in plain English, whatever's going on in your head and emotions manifests itself physically. I view it as your identity's way of making sure you pay attention to what it's saying. So, for example, when I look up "Fatigue" in Heal Your Body A-Z it says:

Now, I'm still self-quarantining, I have been since March 18th. So, yeah, I can see plenty of reasons for resistance and boredom! So, instead of making myself wrong for the blahs or trying to push through, I stop and consider how this is true for me. I'm definitely not loving what's happening in my life now, stress in our house is getting higher by the day. The closer we get to the end of the month and my husband still looking for his next contract, the more my son asks about being able to see his girlfriend, the more time it takes to go through the boxes I'm working through...it all takes a toll.

Often all I need to do is find myself in the "Probable Cause" and I can kick whatever's got me hooked immediately. With this one, I see it, but it still feels a little bleak. When I read the "New Thought Pattern" it feels cheerleader - rah-rah! So, I'm not there yet. So then I go to my next reliable go-to - self-care.

So very often the physical symptoms are an indicator of not self-caring. They're your body's way of yelling, "HEY! What about meeeeeeeeee?!" That's why you get sick when you're running on caffeine and carbs. It's kinda like your body getting parental and saying, "Ok, I guess I can't trust you to use this properly, I'm taking control for a bit -- you're grounded!" What we often miss are the gentle nudges that lead up to that. The more in tune you can get with your body, the less often you'll be grounded. 😀

While writing this, a client called in her own version of the same yuck. Isn't it wonderful when the Universe/Source/God provides? The call from her allowed me to contribute to her and also had me suggest that she look for ways to contribute to others. I'm fairly certain I would have forgotten that as my last example of ways to get out of the blahs. When we contribute to others, we're naturally out of our heads, and therefore, we feel better. Look for ways to put a smile on someone else's face. Leave the quarter in your cart at Aldi. Pay for the person behind you in the drive-through. Leave a note on someone's car telling them they look fantastic today. Being a contribution and knowing you've done something to make someone smile is a sure-fire way to feel the blahs lessen around you.

Got the blahs?

1. Look and see what disempowering conversation you may be having. What are you resisting doing? Where do you have a should? Are there physical symptoms you can check into for hints?
2. What can you do to self-care? A bath? A walk? Read a smutty novel? What are YOUR go-tos to feed your soul?
3. Make a difference in the life of someone else. What random act of kindness can you do? Who can you text or call and tell them you adore them? Who could you ask, "What can I do to make a difference in your life right now?" Get creative. 

I'd love to hear what yours are! Let's create an expansive list so we have plenty of ideas when the blahs strike again!

Voices

You know that little voice in your head? The one that you probably think is you but mostly it speaks in ways that make you feel smaller/icky/sad? It's got a few names for it, depending on who you talk to. Most known is probably ego or identity. 

Your identity is there to make sure you wake up breathing. It's that part of you that decided when you were three that strangers are scary or that you don't deserve nice things or WHATEVER it might have to say. And, when you were three, it WAS important that you had a little fear of strangers. But at 33, as you're trying to build your own business or make friends, it kinda gets in the way, doesn't it?

Here's the thing -- that voice isn't you. Your true authentic Self (big S) is that you when you're in action, empowered, and feel ALIVE. That's you. Everything else is a conversation that sometimes serves you but often doesn't. The great thing is that you can start noticing it -- and start realizing what you let yourself off the hook for when you listen. 

I have a very strong conversation of "there's something wrong here". This impacts: relationships (They didn't call me back, what did I do wrong?), projects (I'll never be able to get it done), and especially my own self-worth (If you were different, _____ wouldn't be this way), etc. Throw in a pandemic and racial protests and it's kinda terrifying being me some days. The wonderful thing about living committed to love and transformation is that I can just recognize whatever flavor of "there's something wrong" that's running and then take action. 

Wanna know why I think "there's something wrong" is so productive in my life? Because it lets me off the hook. For everything. I get to wallow. I get to be sad. It justifies me being out of action. And until recently, it's been very effective. But in the past week my husband found out his contract is being terminated early, an important young lady in my life told me she is self-harming, my ex-husband told me I was being a bitch because I was worried about Covid (and because I was mad he came and got my son without communicating with me), and my financial coach turned out to be a con man...and I only wallowed a wee bit. 

When you can not let life take you out, it's even more fun! We ALL have our own flavor of conversations that happen and being able to recognize them and BE IN ACTION ANYWAY. Life happens in the action, not in the inaction. Think of the moments in life when you felt most alive -- I bet they started with that voice telling you it was a bad idea.

So, what are you not taking action on that you really want to? Go for it. Take one tiny action. Everything moves you forward.

Life happens FOR you, not TO you. You're the author of you life. YOU. Go write a best seller.

Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash

Inner Critic -- Tame Thyself!

About a week ago I began to pull the string of my latest mind-blowing breakthrough. 

I knew I was judgemental, I think we all are, to an extent. I just figured I had an extra big helping of it. My inner critic had A LOT to say about me. I bet yours does too. Have you ever noticed that it's never complimentary? What a life it would be if my inner critic was also a cheerleader! But no, mine likes beating the drum of me not being worthy and not enough. Recently I've noticed it really likes, "Why bother?" Like I need help not doing the things I want to get done while quarantined. 

One of the big things I realized last week is that I listened to everything other people were saying through this filter. What I mean is, if someone said something that wasn't dripping with love, I heard criticism. I live with two teenagers. Let's just say I heard a lot of criticism. With my 16-year-old it would go something like this, multiple times a day, "You don't need to take that tone with me?"

"I don't have a tone, I'm just taaaalking!"

And then we'd both go stomping off. Fun times.

Realizing how much I listened through criticism, of myself and others, had me see so many places that this filter nailed my foot to the ground. 

• I'm committed to love on the planet...hello, that starts with ME!
• It made me pick fights with people because they'd say things and I'd get defensive, which of course makes them defensive
• I never trusted others fully, even an "I love you" from my husband would get a "Yeah, but..." from my brain
• I could never allow myself to get feedback from my peers, from letting others read something I wrote to presenting something...it terrified me and kept me small.
• Just look at my blogging history, that voice kept me from speaking out with a whole lot of, "You need something perfect to say..." or "Who do you think you are? No one wants to hear what you have to say."
• Needing to be perfect everywhere (and therefore often not starting things) -- so I didn't exercise, create workshops, allow myself to be fully myself with people, etc.

I'm sure I could go on and on.

The best thing about this is I keep noticing the LACK of the critic. All week long there have been moments when the silence is deafening. I'm training to lead a course and in our first training meeting she laid out the steps for certification, including videoing ourselves and letting others watch. No voice! I look at myself in the mirror and I notice how good I look. Whaaaaa...? My son does his thing and I joke with him instead of feeling wounded. 

And the really really incredibly amazing thing? I've lost five pounds. Apparently, criticism weighs a lot.

So, I strongly encourage you to look and see what the impact on you is of your flavor of inner critic. Who does it not allow you to be? What do you avoid? Who doesn't get to know the real you?

I strongly encourage you to kick it to the curb and start lovin' on yourself. It's way more fun.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

No, We Don't Want Change

You're probably surprised by my title. Hang in there, bear with me. Don't get upset yet.

Change is a part of our every day lives, we look for solutions to problems all the time. In Australia, they imported cattle. Soon they realized they had a new problem, cow plops. If you know cow poo, it's big and wet and sloppy. The dung beetle in Australia was equipped for kangaroo dung, which is much smaller and drier. So, cow specific dung beetles had to be imported to alleviate this problem. The car was invented to solve the problem of horse poo on the streets, a way to clean up the street. However, it caused a new different pollution problem, one we're still dealing with today. 

We've had change to correct racism, time, and time again. One of the most recent changes was Affirmative Action. While on paper this may sound good, it was a fix and caused a lot of new problems. Fixing or changing things comes from judgment, something is wrong and it needs to be corrected. Here's the thing, when we change and fix things, the original is still there. Have you seen A Bug's Life? Heimlich, my favorite character, is a caterpillar and in the end, he has wings, but he's a caterpillar with wings. 

https://pixar.fandom.com/wiki/Heimlich

What we want is transformation. 

Think again of that caterpillar. In that chrysalis that caterpillar isn't just hanging out and changing...it turns to a liquid and its molecules are completely realigned. [If anyone on here is a biologist, I apologize. I'm sure my description is elementary and possibly inaccurate. Stick with me for the point I'm making, not for my scientific accuracy!] Think of that carbon that becomes a diamond under pressure. Our country is under pressure now, the combination of Covid-19 and the murder of a black man by the knees of four police officers has tipped us over the edge. We've been teetering on that edge for decades. 

So, what's required for transformation? 

Well, one of the best ways I know is for us to look. Especially us white folk. What do we take for granted? How can we take responsibility (not blame - responsibility is empowering, blame and shame are disempowering) for the fact that our fellow Americans are NOT afforded the same rights as we are? How can we take responsibility for this, on a personal level? A friend of mine realized today that she speaks softly and gently to Black people when she speaks to them. This really floored her, but this realization gives her access to noticing and altering her speaking and listening. How did she come to this? She asked her Black neighbor what it was like in her skin. THAT'S being responsible. 

How do you begin to take responsibility? 

Being curious is a great first step, Curiosity is a powerful tool. I DON'T know what it's like to be Black. I do know what it's like to be a minority because I grew up overseas. My experience as a White child living in a local neighborhood in Togo was more like I was an anomaly. I was a blond girl with straight hair that everyone wanted to touch. I created a new language with the neighbor girl since we didn't speak the same language. We were treated as honored guests at ceremonies we were invited to.... That is NOTHING like the experience of daily being treated differently in your own country. I'm really present to how damn lucky I am to be White. It makes me feel incredibly sad for our neighbors with darker skin. In addition to sadness, I'm SO present to their power and strength. I'm moved by the worldwide peaceful protests and the solidarity they are creating. It is time for a transformation, a metamorphosis. The time is now. 

So, what can you do? 

It doesn't have to be big. Be open that YOUR view of the world isn't THE view of the world for everyone. Ask questions. Speak up when someone says something you wouldn't want to hear (even if it's meant well, have a conversation about how it might sound). Get curious. Educate yourself on Black history and how America's past created what we are experiencing today. Clean up what you discover about yourself, apologize where you see you need to. Taking responsibility is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

How do we move forward as a country?

The only way we move beyond our past is to take responsibility. As a nation. As the Australians recently did with the aboriginals. As the Germans and South Africans did. Taking responsibility starts the healing of the deep wounds of the past. Pretending it's all ok doesn't.

Congratulations, you made it! Thanks for bearing with me and not getting upset -- or, if you are upset, I hope it's the stirring of taking responsibility for the injustice in our country. Take that and use it as fuel. Get curious, be engaged, discover your role in creating a new future for our country. You can start by reading the articles above. Or maybe you can ask a Black person to touch their hair? Be willing to ask and be surprised by the answer. A curious heart is a loving one.

Photo by JoelValve on Unsplash